Because I want something like this
To never have happened
To ever happen
Or to ever happen again
And I want the human race to be the only one
I will pearl dive
Because I want to know
Who fired the first shot
Because I want to know
Who fired the second
The third, the fourth, the fifth
And why?
And what happened when the camera turned away?
And who had guns?
And when were they drawn?
And why?
I will pearl dive
And what is the training?
And the code of the street
The written rules and the unspoken rules
And why would any human being
Not believe everything they do in public
Is on camera?
And if they do, why would they murder
On camera?
Stupidity? Self-sabotage? Impunity?
And if the actions were motivated
By hate, by fear or by confusion
Or a blend? And what blend?
And what were all the words?
And who said them?
In slow motion
Second by second
Clearly, unequivocally, unemotionally
I will pearl dive
And who thought about their children? And who thought they were about to die? And who didn’t, and who felt love was being defended and who might have just been overwhelmed by the system
These things I want to know …
Some I will, some I will not
Trace the trajectories of the lives backward
To see the path to this fateful intersection
And recreate as we would any tragedy
To understand all the components
I will pearl dive
Because I don’t know, with certainty
Beyond the shadow of any doubt
Like I don’t know many, many things
But I feel outraged, and almost sure
I must for the good of all
Refrain from feeding my outrage
With anything less than certainty
With love for all, not one skin color
Or group, team, career or way of life
And life for all, equality for all
And justice for all
If, that is what we all truly want in the end
If not now
To all finally be equal as souls, not bodies
To slay the 200,000 year demon of pigment identity
Until then, I am a pearl diver
Holding my breath and risking injury
To reap a great reward
Dampening the perilous flames of anger
Lest they turn to rage prematurely
And uncontrollably consume
Pearls of wisdom burrowed deep in the details
Deep beneath the rage, the anger, the hate
Deep beneath the Pavlovian response to a boilerplate tragedy
Deep beneath the rush of gratification
In releasing the rage, the anger and the hate
Deep beneath the sanctimony
I will abstain from the instant gratification
To continue diving for those pearls
Because those pearls
When washed clean of the blood
Will be a gift from the lives of slain angels and demons
And we must be good stewards of that gift
And we must find the pearls, together
Or, we will simply continue killing each other for 200,000 more years
I, will pearl dive
The Citizen Body 