Rai smelled the coffee straight out of the can and thought that it’s all he needs right now … the comfort of the aroma as his mother brewed it when he was a child, to now – 40 plus odd years later, turned the world into a warm cocoon around his psyche. It’s gotta all balance out in some way, he thought, for the 100,000th time. Good, evil, god, no god, war, peace, famine, feast … and yet, he paused to think – maybe this is just a palliative and something better lies beyond it. Maybe this seemingly irrevocable simple comfort is merely a parting gift that appeases the masses who lack the motivation or guidance to pursue higher level pleasures of consciousness. This is why he thought about calling his band Coffee Cosmos. You could live in one or the other, or both, and they often inspired each other. Too much time in the simplicity of just enjoying coffee and he yearned for the cosmos … too much time contemplating the complexities of the cosmos and he yearned for just coffee. And the elusive balance in between like divinity itself.
And then the wish again … the wish to just be the guy that enjoys the coffee … just live, vitally, with animalistic freedom, in the moment, and not make everything so deep … just make a good living, get a girlfriend … no more ruining dates with philosophy … go with the flow and enjoy life … He could hear his father’s words echoing: “Never make a big thing out of anything. Just get a good job with a steady paycheck and be happy-go-lucky.” Then, he prayed:
God who might be
God outside me
God inside me
God I seek
God I wish to be a part of
For the ultimate truth, balance and good for all of nature and you
What, if you are there, do you want from me?
He continues praying semi-silently, and respectfully, but now in free form … “See, possible god, (he always qualified because he truly was agnostic and seeking, and believed this kind of prayer, the ones he devised, and honest airing of thoughts to a possible god were pure truth, healthy, and a form of meditation he found therapeutic) … see, if being the guy that just lives and doesn’t try to figure it all out, if that life does the greatest good for humankind whether you, in some form, anthropomorphic like those of the major religions, formless like Brahman in the ancient Hindu tradition, or just light, energy, or even us … or even the idea that we as individuals are parts of you … whether I speak fantasy or truth I don’t know … but if you are there … why allow me to waste my life serving some other purpose than to connect with you for the betterment of humankind? Wouldn’t that be sacrilegious in itself? A squandering of priceless human life? And at the very least – is my idea that if all people unite in seeking to become godlike, that we will either become god, or find god, a noble one?” No answer came … but he didn’t expect one.
Rai Linchman was a great specimen for the 21st Century quest for wisdom … average everything, yet peculiar. He was something different to everyone it seemed. He had heard an actor in an interview say – “I never know who I am, unless I’m acting like someone else.” And it resonated. But it wasn’t his design; an involuntary chameleon of persona. It was as if others interpreted him differently and then he connected with them on their wavelength … some too much credit, more, not enough … but the over credits came from the spiritually minded folk and the under credits from the worldly folk. He wasn’t a mainstream traveler, always upstream, the hard way, the way of change … and sometimes he had these Gethsemane moments when he wished to be relieved of this burden … this burden to fulfill a covenant for a god he wasn’t sure existed, let alone knew. But where is this directive coming from? Imagination? Messiah complex? Self-sabotage? Subconscious? Random biology? It didn’t matter … because he realized that by embarking on this journey and taking it to completion he would advance the quest for human wisdom, god or just knowledge … like a scientific experiment that lasted for one human life … and we would reap the results upon death. Rai Linchman would make a lucid contribution to the advancement of human wisdom, spirituality, philosophy, science, and art, or serve us as a cautionary example of a delusional lunatic.
The coffee was ready. It was 8:08AM on Tuesday.